Two Point Zero

I had all these thoughts running through my mind that night. The thing was, I am not even sure what I was thinking. I was already scribbling some thoughts even that night but before I could even save all those; I had to re-write it. I tried it thrice but was not successful.

See, I was not myself that night. I am not even sure what happened. I guess that's the worst thing. I did not want to ruin the whole night. I had to make sure that won't be Amana 2.0 though it started like it. I had to make a move, and with a help of Mr. Red Horse, I thought, it was a bit successful.

You know, I am not acting as if everything's okay when it's not. To a certain extent, maybe, but not really good at it.

I can't act like myself when I am with you and with the others. I am not sure. I thought I was like an invisible man. I was told those things that you did; but I guess I was preoccupied with all these things running through my mind. I was about to cry but I had to make sure not to, cause I don't want to create a scene. I'm actually good at it especially if I know that I am already on the verge of crying. The tears are circling in my eyes, and one flick would stream down my cheeks.

Honestly, I wanna cry and hope that after doing so, all my troubles would be wiped away. I feel the pain and worst I can't do anything about it.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

I did not want to ruin everything. You had to sacrifice so that you could attend and yet I ruined everything. I am really sorry and I felt so guilty about ruining it. I am not even sure if you enjoyed it.

It hurts me to act that I don't care about you. It's a torture. I'd rather die than just do it. It's hard to act like normal and don't think that all your actions are guarded.  You're the most important person in m life right now. Even more important than myself.  It's funny how I could utter these words. I never thought I'd feel this way.