Bruised

I visited you Mr. blogger yet I am not even sure why I am here. I don't even know what to write. This blog couls probably tell my whole story. If I die today, I hope Angel could read this. I've written almost all that i feel from heart since the day I began to love you. I guess this is going to immortalize how much I love you that even when I die, I still have all these letters from my heart living.

I honestly don't know what I am feeling right now. Emptiness? Loneliness? I don't know. One thing is for sure, happiness is not a part of it.

Since last night, I've found myself on ny bed, curled up facing my right direction. Lights off. No musicz, no sound. All silence. Yet that silence was just so screaming, I was already unaware my tears weren't stop flowing. 

I feel so terrible about what happened the other day. I did not mean to ruin everythin it's just that, I don't feel well that time and I can't entirely fake it. Yet I right now I feel so guilty for ruining it. It would have been a happy moment but I ruined it. Worse, I am not even sure if it that chance is going to happen again. I am still hoping that I could make it up to you. Later, I am not even sure if you'd drop by my WS, cause you probably think I am mad or something. I tried to message you but time and again, you won't reply.

I've been thinking a lot of things this morning. Not eating doesn't really help on what i am feeling right now. I am just so down and I feel so alone. I am tired but I don't want to let go of you. Because deep inside, I can't tell what's gonna happen if I lose you. Why do I have to let my happiness be tagged to one person? Perhaps because you are the love of my life and that your happiness is more important than mine. 

I know that it's impossible and far-fetched that you could love me the way I do. Yet why can't I give up and move on? It hurts to feel that you love the person that doesn't love you. It's a cliche that if you don't wanna hurt, don't expect too much or just don't expect at all. Yet you couldn't blame me for expecting, cause even if it's just a mere 1% of hope, I am still holding on to it.l, that someday, somehow, you will find it in your heart that you can also love me.

I hope to feel better soon. If there's just this anything that could take out everything that I feel for you, I will take it, but I can't just do it, cause I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT EVEN IF IT HURTS, I AM WILLIN TO TAKE IT ALL IN.  

T_____T