Eve: Hurts Like Hell

It's an hour and a half before the clock strikes 12. It's gonna be the 3rd of November.

I thought this year's would be the sweetest. I thought this November would be different from the previous ones I had. Well, it's different in a way. It's the most painful November I would probably have.

I am writing this piece with a heavy heart. I don't even know how to smile anymore. Honestly, I don't even know where to start this piece. All I know is that I am not looking forward to my birthday.

Sad. Lonely. How do I describe this feeling? I am running out of adjectives to describe how painful it is and it hurts like hell.

I don't want to celebrate my birthday. I want to; but I am not sure how. I am not sure how to fake a smile when all I feel right now is pain.

I know I am being unfair to the other people who would want to celebrate it. It's just that I am going to be unfair to them if I am not going to be happy. I can't force myself to be happy.

What a time for you to do this to me. I would understand if you have no idea about the occasion. However, I know that you've put a reminder on your calendar. That being said; it's all about that gesture alone. That's it. You could have considered this is a special day for me. I thought I was important to you. Right now, I am not even gonna be surprised if you're not even going to greet me.

Yes, I hate you, but I hate myself more; because after all these things; I still love you. After all the pain you've caused; my love for you still gets the best of me. I love you so much that it hurts.

I was told that the world is not gonna end because you did not reply to me or anything.

I say, what can I do, you're my world.

I am hurt. I am in pain.

Yet, I love you so much. :(