I Miss You Already

7am in the evening. Traveling to the Christmas party; I guess my all-black outfit had its signs ready. I usually check my profile from time to time using my phone; I guess that's the disadvantage of social media on the go, either you get to know good news that fast; or those bad news that would be very quick for your mood to change, in an instant.

I thought I am already ready when that day comes. I've tried to tell myself that this won't work out and that someday. that person would find the person whom the heart would be given.

That instant, when I first saw your post, it's like all the bombs hidden all over the world have exploded in front of me. Time stopped; and a cold thin air had passed by my face. It's surreal and I can't believe it is happening right now. I can't move any muscle and any moment, my tears would fall down. No. I couldn't show this in public. I tries not to cry with all my might. 

I am not yet ready. I will never be ready.

ANG SAKIT, SAKIT!

SOBRA! :(

I wanna cry inside the bus while I was reading that post. I just can't do anything to help myself. I thought December would be different; but I guess, I am facing the worst in my life. It is so painful that I can't even describe it.

I wanna end everything that I feel for you. I wanna end what I feel now. Paano mo ba mapapadali ang paghihirap ko na ito. I know that post is not something conclusive. I am paranoid more than ever and I don't know what to do. Help me get through this pain knowing that Angel might have given the love I am longing for.

Kung di lang masakit ang saksak, o panget ang lasa ng lason, I would have already considered ending my life now. I wanna die now. I can't take it anymore.

T____________________________T